Ok, I know what “willful” means–I’m totally full of my will.  That’s been one of my finest qualities, also known as “a know-it-all.”  Being somewhat independent from childhood, my assertiveness got me out on adventures and back again.  I knew who I was and what I wanted.  But then what I thought I wanted didn’t give me the feeling I sought.  Or rather, the feeling that I finally was aware of what I sought.

But willingness is a different story.  It is a treasure hunt allowing the next indicated action to come right up to me and nudge me.  Sometime I show that I am willing by getting more information and staying right where I am.  Perhaps I pretend I’m over there, acting as if I’m happy.

Part of me does not believe that “action is the proof of willingness.”  Certainly if I’m showing up for the creativity, new experience and beginner’s mind, it shows that I am committed to moving in a new direction.  However, I’m still in the mud-fertilization period.  Like a seed starting to soften within the cool wet earth, just rustling like a chick with sticky feathers in an egg, or a fetus the size of a lemon starting to kick against the wall of life.

Gestating a birth.