To be of use has been a mantra of my upbringing–helping others before you think of yourself.  Well, that’s a valuable asset, but it sure can get out of balance.  When I “helped” others whether they needed it or asked for it or not, if I insisted they take my “help”, if I wanted to help them so I could look good, the whole instinct became quite a liability.  Almost killed me really.

With years of re-training, I’ve been able to get a glimpse at the difference between selfish self-serving and self-love and self care.  It still can be a violent teeter-totter.  Especially when I am in a change (aka fear).

Today I’m off to an interview in the hopes of being once again hooked into current society’s idea of usefulness.  It seems like it would be an ideal and happy place to serve.  My meditation has gifted me with many chants: To be useful and live peacefully in the grace of Creation; To see you more clearly, love you more dearly, follow you more nearly–day by day; My job is filled with loving kindness, my job is well, my job is peaceful and at ease and my job is happy.

Sweet Lover, You have come to me today to live through me. Every cell in my body feels Your fragrance.  I fall into Your arms, that You have Your Way with me.