What I am right now doesn’t seem to be working.  It’s like trying to stuff myself into time and work a square hole when I am so round–ha–and more rounded every day!  With massive training in “your intention is your life” bullshit, I see that my frustration can yield more frustration and I need that carrot of an image showing me fitting easily and lovingly and comfortably inside my skin.

But I’m in the middle of this style change.  You can’t just throw off all your clothes and get a while new style.  There is this one shirt like this, one pair of pants, then try them with new shoes, nope, take off the shirt.  And, since I freaking HATE shopping, I do want to throw all of it out the window and stay in my old worn holey pajamas in bed.

I am a sensitive, childish, defensive person.  And lately I’m getting the message that I just have to accept the gift in that and move forward step by step by breath to embrace who I am and be it without apology.  I do feel like Arjuna–“Overwhelmed by sorry, Arjuna spoke these words and casting away his bow and his arrows, he sat down in his chariot in the middle of the battlefield.”

And Krishna said (among much other loving loving talk) and says now to me: “The wise are not deluded by these changes….These experiences are fleeting; they come and go. Bear them patiently.. Assert your strength and realize this!”

I am a bear today, asserting who exactly I am, up and down, with patience and calm.  I have the strength to lumber through the day scratching for berries.  I can rise up and roar at self-criticism and curl up around the warmth of a cave to hibernate.  I bare myself to my Divine Mother who nurtures me always.  Even when I throw myself on the floor in an exhausting tantrum.