Amazing to me how I was intuitively and unconsciously trained to define my life based on others.  And now that I believe that my life becomes real from the intentions and beliefs inside of me, this is a true self-fulfilling manifestation.  If I live my life in reaction to those around me, who are drawn to me by my beliefs about myself, I am stuck forever in a house of mirrors. 

My mind is filled with conversations to other people about how they “should” behave.  How, if they took this or that action, their lives would be so much better, and why wouldn’t they want that?!  “I’m just here telling you this to help you!”

Retraining myself to be the initiator of my life, to see myself as distinct and primary co-creator with the loving Hand of the universe, is like stumbling down a path I’m desperatly searching for.  I sometimes feel blind, deaf and dumb.  Truly dumb.

But with every step I take, if I can open my blind bloated eyes of self, there are steadfast images of clear, calm, confident hope.  I can lean on the trees.  The tall straight pines with deep grooved skin.  The slender pointing poplars bending and waving.  The full wide embracing chestnut and maples, shading me in cool comfort. 

Like the tracings of the s blood through my heart, today my life and God is a tree.  I am rooted in Gaia’s powerful soul.  I wiggle my toes deeper in the jeweled richness of the dirt that formed me.  My trunk is pure goodness, strong and still.  I reach and stretch playing hide and seek fun with the sun that warms me.  I lap up the rain, turning all this into green loving leaves that wave to the wind of those around me. 

And in every scary moment, I lean into myself.  I lean into the Tree of Thee that comforts me eternally.