Down and then maybe up

Feeling quite human today.  That is, face to face with bad acting.  Or rather, acting badly.  The Taoists say to expect it.  The 12 steps uses it for improvement. I guess the 10 commandments, eightfold path and Torah wouldn’t be needed unless we stumbled, yelled, slipped, cheated or stole.

What is a bad man but a good man’s job, says the Tao.  Well, I suppose I should find a good person to make a job out of me.  I yelled at a co-worker the other day, and she called me on it.  Sure I had reasons–she continued to do something I pointed out to her–and she admitted–wasn’t right.  Oh well.  Now my anger is out there for people to point at–as they have done before and as I have humiliated myself.

Like a baby learning to walk, I sit there from a sudden fall on the floor and wail.  And pick myself up again to totter drunk-like staggerig across the room.  But when I was a kid my mom was there cooing for me. 

Perhaps here is the time once again that I see, hear and feel my Dear One smiling at me, loving me despite my anger and frustration, as She waves to me across this day, encouraging me to know that I am here and now being merely human as best I can.  I look up today and keep Her smile in my heart.