What to do when feelings rise up from the gut through the chest pounding through the heart, catching in the throat, drying out the mouth and watering the eyes?  A whole life dedicated to avoid feelings now naked and vulnerable when these nasty ragged flags block all views.

Today is sadness.  No visible sign of cause, just little forgettings, imaginary anxieties and mourning myths.  I was taught by example that feelings were not allowed, that they messed the house up for all of us and caused conflicts.  We didn’t want to see how deeply unhappy my mother was or how charmingly irresponsible my dad was.  They too, taught so very well by example.

So today I want to be one of those stubborn glowing yellow leaves that grip to the slender branches, determined to stay bright and waving, ignoring the fall. 

Or perhaps they are ready and excited to soar.