Being the oldest of many children, a mother–a single mother–and a type “A” personality, I’ve lived most of my life helping others.  Ok, controlling and manipulating others once in a while too.  In any case, when I was three years old and realized that I was usurped of my princess attention by my little brother, I found that the “big sister” role served me.

I’ve worked hard at balancing out this fabulous instinct to be a helper, friend, big sister that has eclipsed my own self-care.  However it is till not easy to ask for help.  I should be able to do this myself.

Loving the Divine Energy, I am gently reminded that atoning myself to the One means to be “at one” with All That Is.  Asking for help is the same as forgiving myself, loving myself, loving you and holding hands with the global human family united in one mystical body working together.

Therefore, I ask your help.  Please send me a comment about one of my entries.  Hopefully it will be an encouraging comment, but constructive criticism is certainly welcome.  I have received few, and remind myself that a response is not the center of my meditation.  Anything that addresses the content would counteract the the porno spammers that have “commented” that hit me in the heart.

Each morning I listen to the Song of Songs from within my heart, dancing on bird calls, whispering in the wind, bending through the trees.  I hear eternal compassion when I listen.  Whether I hear from anyone or not through this site, I hear the Spirit as She rocks me in Her embracing lullabye of love.

What am I to be today?  A loose knot, a looped path, a slippery sliding teflon surface where all that is not needed, all that is not nurturing is instantaneously released.  I am that place of secure inner stillness so that the crabshell skin can nod and support and use my hands to drive and haul and my face can smile.

Inside I am safe on a shaded sweet green path where small spirits rustle, flying angels sing solos that lift my heart.  Every cell in my body is lounging on a day couch in an open porch deep in the old growth forest.  Each breath brings in deep pine pungent energy and as I release, I circulate the stories told around me over and over again. 

I am a circulation of brilliance–in and out.  I stroll on a wandering wonderlust path.

Fairies giggle as the waft through the lazy summer morning on fluffy flower seed clouds in the warm still air.  Tufts of cotton are strewn throughout the path as if She ripped off her gossamer gown in a passionate laugh of joy, naked and dancing in the forest.

I’m forging a new path in my life, tramping down the grass, weaving through the poplar stand, finding my way–Her Way–through the briar bushes.  She calls me, juggles ideas in my head, pounds at my heart, itches my fingers, shoves me from behind and insists on my action through my daughter’s dark green black Irish eyes.

My Dear Divine Lover took a lock of Her golden hair and a piece of Her sunshine heart, threw ask and river and grass and seeds and mud and night and fire into the body of my mother to dive into the brilliant green world as me.  Now She sings her siren lullaby and calls out that part of Her within me to be at one again. 

The umbilical cord is my daily song to Her each moment of the day as my heart pumps against my ribs to shine Her back out to you.

My heart has been pounding recently.  Like palpitations or excitement it seems to beat hard against my ribs.  The human barking dogs in my head are certain that I’m having a heart attack and I’m going to die.  But that hasn’t happened.  Other voices insist that it is time to completely give up caffeine.  But the addict in me says–Why live without caffeine!?!  So that’s a useless argument.  She’s given up so much already.

My chant to my heart now is: Opening opening wider paths of bigger and bigger circulation of good.  I am opening my heart, my chest, my love, my life as a huge path of supreme goodness.  My body is now a tuba instead of a flute–with a deep full 300 pound breath that comes from the widest galaxy through this expanding strong and powerful human-Divine instrument.

This tiny violet body opening opening opening to channel the most exquisite eternal universe of Her Love.

As I grease my body to dive into the full life jump to be what I am called to be, I explore with these words: power ministry.  The origin of the word power means “to be able to be.” And the root of the word ministry is “to serve.” 

Am I able to be of service?  Certainly!  One of my strongest defaults is to help.  Of course, it is one of my greatest faults–to help when not requested, to think I know exactly how to help, to fix someone who isn’t broken, to know rather than to support.

I have the gifts of my intuition, bliss and energy.  My heart is a well carved cup that I fill over and over and over again so it can overflow.  I have my desires to be the flaming staff of the Light, and I have the sharpened dagger of my truth as a tool.

So here I sit on a narrow ledge, peeking over to the cavern in front of me.  I cannot fly.  Gravity of doubt is embedded deep in my cells.  I call on an eagle, a huge elephant eagle to come for me and carry me through this heavenly valley.  Like the Little Flower used an elevator to reach her God, so I completely and thoroughly trust the soaring wings of Her song lifting me up and His strength holding me and the Spirit that whispers sweet love in the heart of my ear.

It is essential to tune up before a symphony–even if you get to the concert hall a bit late.  Each morning I yearn for this time to open to the vibrations around me and send them out again.  It cleans out the flute of me for better music with Her Sweet Breath and His Tender Fingers.

There is a red leafed tree along my walk with tiny red whirlybird seeds getting fat under the shade.  The underside of these leaves are green.  Red is action, green is healing.  As I heal within me, so I am fattened fruit, and I am moved to action to plant again and again the seed of Gaia in the rich soil of you.

Mind full, heart full, body ready, overflowing Oversoul of me–I surf Heaven all day long.

The tall grass is now topped with purple seeds and the stalks will soon transform to gold.  Meadows of gold.  The highest point of fruit and seeds is thus the harvest.

The Creator-Creation gets bigger and bigger inside me, pushing out, bursting over to you.  My heart is bigger.  My arteries and veins pump more and more Divine energy.  God stretches in me out to you, tapping on your forehead: “Wake up to Me!!”

Joshua, my big Brother keeps noodling me on the head to open up to more and more songs to play through the flute of this simple flower.

I have been blessed with days of being in the river of powerful good.  Now I’m back in a cave with myself.  How do I keep that fullness, richness, mesmerizing force of goodness moving through my body and soul?  Well, it is a good question.

Witnesses have agreed with me about the flow that comes through me when asked.  They have remarked on it’s clarity and compassion.  These mirrors that defy the doubting dogs at my heels sparkle with light and shine it back to me like a spotlight in a concert hall.  I must crystalize their eyes, their attention, the smiles of gratitude.

What challenges me to claim and maintain this power that has chosen me is sitting in it.  I suggest this to many, and ideally it will resonate within me.  To sit in the accomplished satisfied thoroughly filled up overflowing thrill of touring Europe speaking to thousands of the Love, Light and Way.  Wow. 

As I invoke the Light, already in every cell in my body, so it shines through me. 

I sat next to You this weekend.  I leaned as close as I could to Your brilliant soft light.  You pretended to be afraid, You asked about relationships and career and fear and home and all those human conundrums.   You insisted upon a different question that was asked, that was answered.  You were eager and earnest about your truth, but kept asking about someone’s future I would not reveal.  You were timid, you were doubtful, you were grateful.

And then You smiled.  Your heart opened to me and the wash of the warmth, the sunlight of Your Spirit, the undeniable indescribable wide golden field of Your love pierced my soul from Your eyes.  No matter what the question was–my question–Your answer was this full giggling rushing rapid river of bubbling compassion and play.

The dance of veils swirled and twirled until our reflections were revealed.  We danced with mirrors, You and I.  You sang Your love through my flute and my love song for You mirrored brilliance all around us. Everyone could see our love.

In the chamber of Your bedroom heart, I bow to You–to all of you–that overflowed love on me this weekend.

Across the table You sat from me, eyes that revealed galaxies and inner dimensions that swirled with the mysteries of Your love.  I disappear into the You.  I dive deep in the soul waters of the blossoming human beside me where You pretend to hide.  You can’t fool me, Your smile bursts out like a child trying to hide behind a small chair that squeals with delight once found.

I am a hunter for the Divine dressed up as a reader, coach and counselor.  I put on an act of reading the cards, explaining the astrology chart and coaching recovery.  But what I really do is pull up Your veil, lift Your human-pleated skirt and squeal at Your beauty so close to me.

And today I run to You more and again.

(Thank you NORWAC’s 25th anniversary to set the stage for my “reading”!  www.astrology.com/norwac)