My back, shoulders and neck feel like I’ve been pulling a yoke with a huge load–like I’m an old yak in the mountains trudging a rocky circular path over and over again.  How can I drop this weight and release the muscle tension?!

Over and over again I hand it over and over again.  Here–you take this!  My little human body just can carry this load.  But it returns to me like a paddle board ball, hits me in the face when I’m not paying attention.  I need to slam it back out there and play the game–the object is NOT to hold onto the ball but slam it back.

I need to get better and better at ping pong.  That’s what today will be about–laughing as I play the game, testing new swings, bouncing on my fight lightly, serving it just right.  And as I can, I will step back and let the Divine Gamester take over for me and all I’ll do is watch the game.

She’s a pro, after all.

We seem to spend all of our day looking for comfort, respect and love. We want to be noticed, appreciated and honored for what we are and what we do.

The problem comes when we feel we are disrespected and dishonored.  Wow, what a fuss, argument, anger, resentment, acting out, games-playing reaction happens then–if we’re not careful.

So many spiritual systems get to the teaching that the Divine is within us somehow, that we are children of God, made in Her image, that we carry the spark of infinite love inside.  Thus with that deepest faith practiced, we’d never have to worry about what the human in front of us thinks of us.  We’d not put heavy expectations on the challenges of another, but settle into the peace inside.

Today I settle into the peace that I carry in my heart with Her love.  When I coach a staff member away from her anger, when I sit for hours in tedious meetings, when I trudge to another process discussion and disruptive disagreements–I carry in my heart Her Love.

“Perform all work carefully, guided by compassion.”  BG 3:26

So this reaffirms that if I watch for the path with kindness, it will show me the Way of grace.  Kindness implies a slow walk, where the darkness reveals the tiny brilliant tea lights along the cleared walk.  If I can’t see them, I need to stand still and let the light open up my eyes.  Let kindness overflow myself and then tumble and flow outward.

Right now it is also learning new ways to stand in the waterfall of Spirit’s compassion for the “work” of me.  Feeling the bliss of being a creature of the Creator, made somehow in Her image and likeness, just as integral to the whole cosmos as the spearheaded shoots of the crocuses pointing to the sun out of the humble dead leaves.

I open my heart to the me of the Divine so it shines out in kindness on the Path.

I will let Hafiz speak for me today:

I am somewhat of a drama girl.  Born, raised and lived that way for a long time.  Now there is not much drama.  Oh sure, work rises up a bit and I come home exhausted, but I try to stay on the fringes of that or just dive in, make a sound and go home.

But being an addict, and maybe a drama addict, when there is no stirring up around me, when simple satisfaction or a restful day comes along, I feel at loose ends.   My intention is for these days to be full of grace, and right now, I’m working through the feeling of inertia, being down, being stuck.  I guess I connect it with not being loved, because I’m not DOING for someone else.

Habits are hard to break, and doing for others as a habit is an endless useless chase after a reward.  Today I will let the next right action come up to me, and look around at the grace that gratitude reveals to me.

Feeling particularly inert this morning.  Not down, not up, going through paces.  Going back to bed under the covers sounds nice.  No big trauma; lots of loose ends.  Little motivation, discipline or inspiration.  How’s that for a human moment?

Do saints get these lulls, or are they always in the light of bliss?  Or in the  pains of martyrdom and suffering.  Dunno.

But if I surrender, I am more teachable.  Even if my heart is dull and snotty, if I open my eyes and watch what is around me and see the next right action come right up to my feet, I can witness the grace of gifts that are ever-present.

Gratitude, that’s what will be my day today, filled with appreciation of the little things: a big warm sweatshirt, little notes from family and friends, fingers that work on the keyboard, a glass of milk, a happy healthy house.  The little things will guide me today.

My mantra has been–over and over again–easy comfortable flow.  And then around me I hear and feel big bumps.  Bump and roll, drop and roll, rock and roll–I need to open to the next indicated action with gentleness.

Kindness can show the Way–even if I have to stand very very still in the dark to finally discern the tiny tea lights that mark the Path.  Stillness helps to hear where the next step is indicated.

Being so interested in other people, trained to help other people, I am so easily distracted by others.  Today I claim the universe within me, that everyone is a sign to me of more kindness and self-compassion.  If I fill up with love in me, I cannot help but overflow to others.

Therefore I take care of me–and thee–today, resting in the easy flow of goodness around, within, surrounding, above, below and inside me.

Here’s to keeping my heart’s-eye above the level of the frozen body sitting in a chair for three hours at a meeting that is intense but boring, filled with intense changes, most of which could cause endless chaos for months.

And here’s to keeping my eye on the higher vision, the Way that takes me above the noise.  Up above duality and bodily cravings, I am one-sighted on pure peace, easy comfort and the next right action spouting easily from compassionate change.

Compassionate change–that will be my mantra today.  With the dear hand-holding of the One always near, loving myself until it overflows with kindness.  Today simply overflows with kindness all around me.

That is my mantra this week, at least today.  Easy comfortable flow of work, of plans for work, of change, of plans for change, of commuting, of walking, of talking. 

Like a slow clear river in the late winter.  The thaw has not yet swollen the banks and thrown trees and branches strewn on the side.  It is cold water seeping from the glaciers.  Ducks still bob and float, diving for goodness.  Cool refreshing and quiet, the river starts nowhere and ends in the infinite ocean.

Thus does the work, the plans, the drive, the thoughts–smoothly over rocks, around barriers, adjusting the sides, making detours, polishing everything in it’s path with the easy comfortable flow.

Down the river in a small raft, surrounded by fairies, is the Princess of Good, waving at me.  She stops in a small eddy near my feet and rests.  We’ve planned a long picnic here, sitting on the soft moss.  And we chat and sit in quiet for days under the warm sun and stars as She reminds me of her comfortable, easy flow.

What do the saints do when they get the doldrums?  What does the Dali Lama do–does he every just get tired of prayers and meditation?  What did Mother Theresa do when she got tired of helping the world? 

Is it an emotional hangover from facilitating deep and busy changes at work?  Is it just the wrong food for dinner last night?  Do I just need sleep?

Maybe the only thing is to let compassion to seep into my tired bones.  I allow my breath to bring in grace, move my body as it slowly will.  I let the next right action come right up to me. 

Today I follow my God nose–God knows the next step.  She still whispers in my ear if I am still enough to hear about goodness, grace, light and easy comfort.  She will tickle my elbow and bite on my ear when it is time to jump up and speak. 

I let Her lead today.