Yesterday I felt like I was walking a tightrope–unsteady on my feet, wobbling, holding onto the walls to keep me from falling.  Literally.  Vertigo from what I sense today could be sinus blockage.  As always, I ask my body—what are you trying to say to me?

I’m dizzy from recognizing that I can’t figure it out, I’m not responsible for it perhaps but certainly responsible to it.  Returning from a continent-wide trip for a happy family event, I am teeter-tottering between the past, death, sadness, resignation, claiming decisions, and being half spirit, half human.

The human part of me wants to rectify being here and now vs. there and then.  Crazy thoughts like: I should live back there where I’m from, plant flowers on my mother’s grave, be with her relatives, deepen relationships with siblings and cousins–some who remember the past better than me.

The spirit part of me giggles, actually, at the rigid linear flailings of my aging body.  The Divine in me reminds me that my chess pieces in this game board of life is time and space.  I cannot go back and revisit that time with my mother that my cousin remembers so differently.  I cannot live in two places at once.  My path is my path and here I am always safe on this path.

Today I ask guilt, shame, regret, self-judgment and fear to step aside.  One tentative step at a time I walk through my house, my day, my path letting dizziness return my heart to the arms of the Beloved.  In Her spirit, eternity is my only limit.