If I think it is a problem not having a place to live or employment right now, then I am stuck without a solution.  If I can consider this a journey and an adventure, looking out for the next scavenger hunt hint from the Divine, then we are playing an eternal game of delight.

Well, the mind reels and rolls at that thought!  What a crock of shit.

Still, the heart knows it is true.  We find new old friends, dear ones who have been seeking us, perhaps in the manager of the apartment, a job contact at the other end of the phone, or returning to colleagues of years past.

On to search for the next hint!  Treasures await as I walk hand in hand with the Ultimate Guide, the Star-Spangled Empress, the ever-strong Protector, the always near Dear Friend.

If I look with the eyes of my angel soul, all I can see is angels and Home.  I am willing to be willing.

Trees outside the guest room, off the busy street that leads to the beach–I ask them.  There is a gentle wave.  They are old, twisted willow-type stantions that shield chattering sparrows.  Seasons are seasons.  No need to fuss.

When I turn my attention to the Divine, I recognize that She has been always been near me, smiling patiently as I twirl and swirl around distracted by the merry-go-round of human life.

Hello Dear One.  I am so glad to be here and now with You.  I relax in Your arms.

Open to the love of the calling.  Dive into the decision of great change.  throw myself on the Path of Heaven.  Rather, step by step true.  Into the light of southern California.  On to the streets delightfully following the Divine Scavenger hunt for my next home.  Seeking out the new angels who seek me.

Hurray for love!

I have trouble saying no to people, certain people more than others I guess.  At the core is the desire for attention and affection.  It is perplexing that this drive in me is most evident with people who truly do not seem able to give anyone loving attention.  Their role in this life is to remind me to love myself first.

Hilarious.

So here and now, I give myself a big hug as I work under the covers, the thrush visiting for the summer singing his lilting refrain from the deep green forest.

I claim the Presence here and now.  A doting fairy godmother, a steady grandmother crone, the steadfast soldier of a brilliant guardian angel and the embrace around my shoulders of the Dear One who whispers lullabyes of love.

Another way to say “no” — Be Still and Know.

We are here to enter a cave of illusionary darkness to shine our light Emmanuel says.  It doesn’t do any good to stand outside and cry about it (I’m saying that to myself).  The story of loss in change is hilarious but so hypnotic and hallucinatory.

Why would I believe that I’m leaving love and crying about it?  When I am truly expanding my heart again across country, across soul groups, and into more shadowy caves–of myself and my stories.  Maybe weeping is simply how this body/soul does change in this life.  Let’s go with that.

Love finds the Way.  One step, another task, small actions, thinking of others. Today I tend the fire of love inside me and take the basket off my flame.

To be in love with the me in the now.  What would that feel like?  Adoring, infatuated, silly giggling kissing, gazing in gratitude. So happy to be here.  Wanting the moment to last forever.

In love with this songbird morning, white cloud sky, fresh sweet air.

I claim love.  The only everywhere human path.

Most creation stories talk about me coming from dirt of the earth.  And I believe that all there is, is love stuff.  Therefore, I am good shit.  Well, that’s what all of this is–fertilizer, nourishment, dead tree stumps serving as mothers for new growth.

Thus my tears of leaving, homage to the story of loss and goodbyes, are all nourishing waters for the seed within me to plant in the garden of the Angels.

Here in soaring uncertainty and whirling feelings is my truest love of here and now.  It’s just all dressed up and dancing a swan song.  I’d rather choose the dance of veils where my Dear One giggles through the flowing scarves, undulating and singing Her siren song.

Ah yes, there is the face of Love that rises out of the dirt and green of the forest to me.  Now I can continue with my jitterbugging tap dance–constant here and now change.

When you dance or make love, do not invite the mind, it cannot hear the music.

Ahhh, and still I honor the mind that plans, sorts, packs, arranges and organizes.  But in love and dancing, even if you learn new steps, the music is a vibration, a humming that only puts the dear brain to sleep.  Thank goodness and godness for that.

Belief has nothing to do with logic, really.  Perhaps logic of the heart as we let go and twirl and turn as a child.

We are to watch ourselves in wonder and patience.  As I worry and fret and cry and fuss like a tired cranky infant.  That is just what this morning brings.  Nothing is wrong.  Nothing seems right.  The trees stand true.  Birds send their lilting melody through the green.

My little human twist of a heart pouts with the morning after sour stomach from attempting to overeat anxiety.  Doesn’t work.

So today, again and again, is a day to surrender to You Dear One.  I will get on the cosmic surfboard and hold on to Your Presence as we soar into the curl of this wave.  You have me and I have You.

“Not good enough, therefore I hoard like a junkie.”  I don’t think I’m quite that bad any more (but could be in denial).  However the vision that I grip tightly to relationships that are mutually outgrown is clear.  The melancholy to leave what I love for a true calling is evident.

The Tao says to keep to the void, thus I can use all things, all feelings, all travel, all change, all places, all people–every whining ache my body.

I am simultaneously grateful for this brilliant moment, and wonder what I am not doing to prepare for the unseen future.  What a giggle this human/spirit life is!

Bowing to the Lotus within, I gaze into Your most magnificent eyes with thankful tears.