There are a number of readings I enjoy each morning.  Different traditions and practices.  Today one notes a single principle of creation that is all one needs to remember.  What is that single principle?  Not sure.  I think they are saying it is “flow”.  All of creation flows.  It does seem to be a common denominator.

Then another reading says: the “in-between off-center” place is  an ideal situation.

Putting them together, the one principle that is ideal is an off-center flow.  Ha!  One of the most difficult places for me to be is out of balance, insecure, unconfident.  But it is most assuredly the place of the that I listen and learn–there is no other choice.

It is only when most insecure that I surrender to the flow.

What is common is universal. What is natural is close to the source.  What is the source?  God?  the Big Bang?  The Sun?  Doesn’t matter in my opinion.  No matter where we think the Source is, us tiny pieces of soul-full protoplasm on the third rock from the sun, there will be a source behind that.  Sometimes I do send a message to the Prime Creator though, mostly it is “Thanks!”

Ah to have a heart as open as the sky.  That would be common, natural, universal and so close to the Source.

The sky gets cloudy.  Lamps become dirty.  Hampers get filled with laundry and dishes fill the sink.  Nothing wrong here, just another phase of life.  Thus “enlightenment” is really more about cleaning out the corners of my heart, wiping down the counters in my mind, fluffing up the bedding of my beliefs.

If I am a flute for the Divine, my task is to keep the open space polished and clean.  Wondering what the song will be is not necessary at all–just open up and let the music flow as clear as I can.

Let Your lullaby begin!

Letting the child of my day come through the tight pressing stories of my life-has-to-be-difficult human mind and see the glory of another day, breath, tree, shining light of this planet.

It is a brilliant stillness in the center to see that rain is just rain, cold is just cold, traffic is just traffic, loss is just loss.  Confusion is just another turn.  Uncertainty can be a cranky friend I still enjoy for tea–it helps me laugh.

Making friends with my fear has been a fruitful task.  Just as a midwife prepares for all circumstances, my fear is here to protect me, but often with a 3 year old’s inexperienced anxiety.  Yet, just like a toddler, comforting my fussy scared little one can work.  And sometimes I allow her to cry and wail–it just happens.  Wailing is just wailing.

Let us celebrate the birth of another day!

The awakened and noble heart is in the center of the sadness.  Humility is the healer of pain.  Pain is the pathway to peace.  These axioms are familiar and are warm touchstones when I wail.

Water is a cleanser, healer, sustenance essential for us all.  Sometimes I have to release it to make room for more.  It is the empty space that is most useful.

The open day yawns before me shuddering in the morning cold.  If I keep my eye on Your Grace in every breathe, sight, sound and movement, it is an easy walk in Your garden, Your heart.

The Tao keeps telling me this.  Pay attention.  Be still and watch the flow.

I paid attention to anger and sadness yesterday, cried for both.  I paid attention to stirring up those waters so they could settle better.  They did settle better and I can see a bit more clearly.  I’m sure they will be stirred up again.  Part of this human adventure.

I’ve learned that my feelings are not facts, but to allow them to flow without resistance.  It doesn’t mean I send these poison pen letters, but just ride the rollercoaster and scream and wail and fuss and moan and get dizzy.  And then get off the crazy ride.  Sometimes I just want to ride again, and other times I want to sit quietly in a garden.

Practicing the pause is the other side of this pot-stirring, quiet and comfort when there is no urge to make a fuss.  That happens too. More and more. When I sit quiet and allow Peace to be the Present, the more I am ok with knowing that the rock-o-ride on the fairway is a choice.

Now warmed from Your sweet center, I tend the fire in my heart and share this firery Light.

If I am willing, the path will become clear.  “No matter if you are the sinner of all sinners, if you seek, She will come.”  A saint is a sinner who said her prayers.

I’m not into the sinner thing, but I do seem to “miss the mark” often, fall out of balance, sit in the dark shadows of self-pity now and again.  (“Now and again!  More like every other freaking minute!” one of my inner lovely voices pipes up.)

Nonetheless, I know what it feels like to be embraced by the Presence.  I have felt the cellular core peace of being in heaven as a human.  Visiting, and then being comfortable to return to the cold apartment, the awkward body, the coughing breath.  The memory of that bliss and the Dear One closer than my skin within, allows me to be easy with this volunteer work I craved–a human on the planet Gaia.

I say “You” and “Her” and “She” because it makes it real to me–the Presence.  It is nature, life, Tao, the Beloved.  I want to be in deep infatuation with my day, this life, my heart and All that Is.  Makes it so much more fun, this little human story on a tiny spot of this sweet small planet in the far end of a modest galaxy in the corner of the universe.

In the mirroring light of my love You are revealed.

Puzzling, baffling and powerful is the mind that furiously grips to the past, then at the very next second, screams in terror of the future.  Practicing the now is a continuous (ha) endeavor.

Now.  In the cool apartment, my football shirt keeping me warm, gentle knocking of neighbor movements, looming tick of the clock–this is now.  Soft click of keys.  Opening my heart to the phenomena of spirit as human.

And the leanings of Your whispers.

I start with my human fears: what to do, how to do it, dreams slamming into laziness, now/then, why, how, what??!!  Back and forth.  Open my heart and listen.

All in good time.  Good time.  Time is on my side.  Shine here and now, awake to patterns and settle back into that lovely cloud of unknowing with Me.

That’s the message today  Leaning on Your love–yes.

Be still and know that I Am.  Allow the swirling waters of emotions, stories, drama to settle.  The waters will clear and the moon will be perfectly reflected in the pond.  Neither the pond nor the moon do anything for this gentle sweet beauty.

In this human adventure, swirling is a part of the Path.  Allow for swirls, She says.  Sometimes even BE a Dervish and let the swirl take you to Me.  In other moments sit by the pond and let the silence woo you.

What a practice, this rhythm.  Back and forth, harmonies and awkward notes in a symphony heard in a different dimension.  I miss the melody here and fall into feelings and fear so easily.  How to be present in the looming shadow of another change.

My prayer today:

Breathe in me the way to love You, so that I may faultlessly love You.  Pour me the wisdom wine that I may become intoxicated with You.  With Your silent eyes, just look at me and I will know where to find You.  Seek out the wandering senses and lead them back to Your sanctuary within.  Call back the marauding mind and counsel it how to retrace its steps to Your heart.  You can hide behind the ocean.  You can hide behind life.  You can hide behind duality.  You can hide behind fear.  You can hide behind theological conundrums and unanswered prayers.

But You cannot hide behind my love.  In the mirroring light of my love You are revealed.

(my favorite by Yogananda)

Breathing in You today.

Ha.  But that is an essential teaching of the Tao, the Flow, the Way.  Watch the empty space–it is the most useful.  The opening of the pitcher, the hole in a ring for your finger, the place where your head goes to put on your shirt.  The open field of possibilities.  That field beyond right and wrong.  The river that fills all the crevices of no-thing with all there is.

So I am at and in an empty space before a new cycle.  Not sure what the new cycle is.  Not really empty, actually.  Filled with those human hallucinogenic stories of regret, shame, blame, what-ifs.  To be in the Tao is to open to the ending with grace, see it coming (didn’t well enough there), and honor it so there is a pure opening for the next cycle.

What a TRIP this human adventure is?  Why couldn’t this be easy?  Whose idea was it to have a monkey mind that screams and flies from tree to dark waving branch of a hidden tree?  Or this strange tiny muscle of a heart that aches and is restless in my breast?

I give up.  Today I just want to lean on Your love.  Leaning on Your love.  Leaning on Your love.