I am one of those living a tortured life thinking I know it all.  The oldest of nine, parent of two, financially independent my whole life, traveling alone here and there.  Not particularly educated, but geez, do I think I know it all.  And this self-centered false assurance creates an illusionary environment around me that I don’t even SEE the reality that others see.

After complaining and whining vigorously that “they don’t listen to me–I do know how to fix this!  Why don’t they like me!??” someone once told me that no one likes a “know-it-all”.  If I wanted to be liked, I should be kind, not “smart”.  ARGH.  That hit me hard.

Unfortunately, I get it mixed up.  When I was a kid and got “A”s, I got attention from my mom.  I mix that up thinking that if I’m showing myself to be smart (not really being smart, acting smart), I’ll get attention.  Well that didn’t work, so I started being naughty for attention.  That backfired too.

So here I am trying to be authentic and my smart-assness gets me out of balance, my need for attention trips me up.  Phew.  Today I just hope to hold my own space.

Goddess bless.