Change is irrelevant.  Change is constant.  Change is a temptress that can capture my mind and render it catatonic.  Not from pleasure, but from continuous comparison.  Here, there, now, then, better, worse, mistakes, awareness, challenges, problems, opportunities, highs and lows.

Is there a difference?  Is it all a rollercoaster?  How much do I steer, and–or–should I just hold on?  Is there really a seat belt?  Does it really feel more fun if you raise your hands up high and scream fiercely?

Dunno.  I keep coming back to the fact that I’m human and there is bodily upkeep, cultural indicated actions, emotional urges that keep me moving, even if my mind and heart can’t seem to move.

Whether there is a God or not, whether “getting over it” or “better” is purposeful or not, I feel so much more sane and settled when I imagine Her leaning into me, arms wrapped around me, and saying “I am always with you.  You are so beautiful to me.”

And I lean back into Her and suddenly just watching the autumn morning light through the trees is a priceless gift.