There was a time in my life I felt like an emotionally abused victim.  So I called the battered victim’s crisis line and told them all about it.  It must have been a trainee on the phone, because when I told them the horrific things screamed at me, she said that being a victim was a choice.  A choice?!?!  She clearly didn’t understand anything and I slammed the phone down.

Well, years and years later of long trudging and 2×4 slamming awareness “gifted” to me, I now can recognize that so much of struggle is a choice.  It is a heart-wrenching process to really see that instantaneous half-nano second when I choose a reaction.  Someone’s voice raises at me and I’m suddenly defensive.  A car pulls out in front and I’m cussing. 

However, the gift that has been given to me is the soft silent grace of the pause.  When in doubt I now can pause.  When disturbed I can take a moment and ask–what is this old wound inside of me that was just bumped?  With a sudden rise of anger, if I’m lucky, I can reflect–what trigger in me just got pushed?

It is only those long moments watching the sunrise, or sitting under an umbrella on the beach in the rain as dusk settles that the Divine One–always holding me, always loving me, always listening, always whispering–reminds me of how I am deeply rooted in Her brilliance.